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Kosmic-Stardust

Alita Jean
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It's time for me to just come out of the closet. I'm a transfemale / nonbinary. I began to experience gender dysphoria for the first time around Christmas season 2018, then found out I had high blood pressure.

So I started supplementing DHEA to feminize and lose weight. It's been a miracle. I've lost 30 pounds in two months and am rigorously riding my bike, dieting, and now my body and mind feel united for the first time as she slowly transforms herself.

All my life I've been told to "Man up," and "Grow a pair." So I finally got an Associates Degree, landed a blue collar job at a local plant, but something was missing. Well, I'm "growing a pair" alright. In a few weeks I won't be able to hide her from the world anymore. 

I've said that life feel like driving a car in reverse. Hindsight is 20/20, as you can always see behind you, but never the path that follows. You just have to guess when to hit the gas, brake, or cut the wheel, and pray you do not crash and burn. But now that I've turned the car around and put it into drive, I can see clearly for the first time where I am going.

My art has always had a feminist flair to it, perhaps offering a window into my subconscious. For the first 18 years of my life, I was bullied and abused by my peers. How could other boys be such douchebags? I couldn't even comprehend it. There was something "different" about me, but I never knew what it was.

The way young boys are encouraged to compete amongst one another from a young age, to excell at everyhing, from sports, academics, to extracurricular activities. I call it "jock culture," and it is toxic on multiple levels, and further serves to reinforce the patriarchal principals on which our society was founded.

Yes, I am a feminist. Yes, I am still a biological male. But my mental gender is female, and through supplementation, my body is slowly feminizing each day. Living life with estrogen dominance has been a breath of fresh air, like viewing the world through rose-tinted nostalgia goggles.

I wake up every day in a positive mood. I have become athletic, a morning riser, my work perfomance is improved, adhd symptoms slightly better. While I haven't suffered from clinical depression in over 15 years, for the first time in my life, I have purpose, clarity.

Right now I don't give a crap what my family will think, my church, or my employer. She will reveal herself when she's ready. If shit hits the fan, so be it. I just gotta do what's right for me and take life one day at a time.

God is still my copilot. He loves all of his children regardless how they identify. Anyone who says otherwise or harbors hatred in their hearts is not of the Kingdom.

My fiance is still my sounding board, though she's not exactly thrilled with my changes, she has agreed to stay by my side. Extended close friends I've already come out to have been supportive. Many more are still in the dark.


Putting myself out on the internet like this may be fool-hearted but I don't care. I will ask that if you know me personally in real life or my family, job, or church, please respect my privacy and do not disclose this before I am ready to come out.

Sincerely yours,
Alita Jayne.

Mature Content

Just grow a pair already... by Kosmic-Stardust

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35 Happens.....

1 min read
:lolly:

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[Simpsons: Insert :couch: Gag]
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I've been digging through my old artchives on my 1.5Tb hard drive. I used to post a lot of Bryce stuff to 3DCommune back in the day before it went defunct in 2009. A few random picks I uploaded some time ago, but I just decided to just do a mass upload of a bunch of old Bryce artwork. You can find them in the 3D section of my gallery. A few scenes I would like to have re-rendered at higher resolution, but my installation of Bryce 7.1 crapped out and I need to reinstall it. So I'm stuck with medium resolution pics atm but many are still pretty cool I think.

Expect more old art in the coming weeks. I gotta go to bed. I got class in the morning. Ciao...
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Well, another milestone has come and gone...

May seem like a lot, but it's not really...

Take Care everybody. And thanks for all the watches, favs, comments, and Llamas along the way...
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Well, I just noticed when I looked at my profile, that I had reached that milestone of 5000 page views. Not much for five years of DA membership, but it's still great to know people are at least occasionally viewing my work. Well, here's some fractal boobies to celebrate:

Fractal Boobies - Burning Ship Cropped Scaled by Kosmic-Stardust

Other news...
* Magnum Opus Ex fractal stardust4ever.deviantart.com/a… had my render machine tied up for months (Now I'm attempting to do a zoom movie)
* I'm still in freakkin' college (at this rate, will I ever finish?)
* Still engaged to my sweet fiance Paula! (9+ years of sweet memories and going strong)
* I turned 31 three weeks ago; another year gone by...

Anyway, take care Y'alls, and thanks for your continued support for 5+ years!

* Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day!!! :kiss:
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Featured

Just grow a pair already... by Kosmic-Stardust, journal

35 Happens..... by Kosmic-Stardust, journal

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10,040 Page Views... by Kosmic-Stardust, journal

5,080 Page Views, yay! Feb 14th, 2012 by Kosmic-Stardust, journal